Jump Me Baby!

Six minutes before the morning bus was scheduled to pass our house, I shuffled the boys into the van and hopped into the drivers seat. Insert key. Turn. Nothing. Turn again. Nothing. Wait. Turn key. Nothing. By the way, this is totally emblematic of my life in so many ways...career, house, move... Wait. Turn key. Nothing. Try again. Turn key. Nothing.

But, let me tell you, compared to any number of really serious things,a stalled car is NOTHING in the grand scheme. And (listen to this juicy tidbit) jump starting a car is so easy even a MAN can do it.

Earlier this summer I found myself driving at night in a convertible with a dead battery. To make a very convoluted story brief: every time I turned left or stopped, the car died. I did things you aren't supposed to do...filling up with the motor running and "rolling" through every stop sign. Shhh, don't tell!

I had no less than seven jump starts in the course of twelve hours. The first from a terse Irish couple and the last from a bored looking desk clerk at the Department of Natural Resources. Every time I would ask a man for a jump start, he would rise to the call of duty (chests puffing out - okay, one guy was really overweight so I don't know about him).

Every time I asked a woman, we would fumble around together squealing at sparks and making comments about keeping our husbands around. Shame On Us! We don't need the husbands! Without my radio or high beams offering any distraction, I got to thinking about this behavior and the complexity of the task at hand.

Here's what I deduced: Essentially, you connect a red plug on a box with another red plug on a box. Then you connect a black plug on the "live" box with any metal part on the "dead" car. This is TOTALLY EASY. Seriously, anyone can do this!

You even start feeling self sufficient after a while...letting your chin hair grow in and maybe wait a few extra days between shaving your legs. It's totally liberating. Burn the BRAS ladies! (Unless you need them to draw in someone with jumper cables, then cinch em up gals.)
We now have one of these portable battery chargers in the back of our van (not this one, but you get the idea). Not only do you not need another car, you don't need jumper cables, and the instructions are right there. In two minutes, we were off and to the bus--the boys didn't even stop arguing long enough to notice Super Mom save the day.