Senior Moment

We just moved to a new town, and (instinctually) I think I'm all eyes and ears for things to do with the kids. Right now, warm inside things. Let's see...every mammal with half a brain has migrated or hibernated in this tundra called the Midwest. We humans totally need to EVOLVE.

ANYWAY, I happened upon a newsletter for the local Senior Center and saw that December 17 was a free Patsy Cline sing-along. You know, Oldies not Moldies?!? I thought the kids would be thrilled...and was going for this kind of response:


Future dental work aside, this was just me telling Marie about the free popcorn. Sigh. When we first arrived Owen was having a temper tantrum worth pretending he wasn't my kid. Only, everyone was clearly beyond menopause and there was lots of shushing and tisk tisking with crooked fingers. And (news flash) when you whisper "that kid needs to be quiet" without your hearing aid turned up...it is actually louder than a scream.

Bless the nice lady with very long chin hairs that took pity on us and pulled out an expired cough drop from the bike basket taped onto the front of her walker. I put it in my purse, making a mental note to invest heavily in electrolysis stock. I think one "grandma" may have even traumatized Owen by yelling out SANTA IS WATCHING RIGHT NOW LITTLE BOY!

Thirty minutes into the show, we were jammin' out to Walkin' After Midnight...as evident from the crowd surfing captured in this shot.


FINE! Pasty Cline was a bad idea. Riddle me this...is it a crime to re-live my childhood through the kids? Long live the day when they are head nodding to Hannah Montana impersonators (a la piano accompaniment) and sweet revenge sets in! Maybe I should just keep that cough drop?

Do Me Now!

I now interrupt this blog to make fun of myself.


As some of you Followers may know, I recently had a fashion intervention, whereby anything I owned that was stained or dated went to the landfill or Goodwill (do not Pass Go, if you know what I mean).

Anyway, we moved to Wisconsin and some naughty, naughty, slothery must have snuck into the moving truck! What is that I'm wearing? Striped pants with a beer t-shirt from 1984 (granted, it was a race my late dad ran, but Bud Light actually sponsored a triatholon...dude, times have changed!)? And the headband just seals the deal...I have become Zoolander in real life! (okay, minus makeup...this sexiness can only be re-created late at night)


Movie quote: Have you ever wondered if there was more to life, other than being really, really, ridiculously good looking? Whadda ya think?

Overdue

Leaving the public library the other day, I noticed the movie Thelma and Louise out of the corner of my eye. I knew the basic story line, the famous last drive into the Grand Canyon...but I wasn't prepared for how this movie would affect me in so many different ways.

Louise had her job, her boyfriend, and her confidence. Dark secrets in her past lay close to the surface of her thick skin. Thelma never knew a life outside of her hometown and her self-esteem was stomped down on the bottom of her husband's shoe. Five hours into their first real road trip, that all changed...

In a world where women can be "guilty" of rape, my heart was aching for the injustice of it all. I longed for the freedom of the open road...a life without a plan...just driving to the edge.

As the minutes ticked on, my hot tea turned cold. I ignored the familiar "new email" buzz from my Blackberry. Nothing could have torn me away from the fateful end...not even an auto-generated reminder from the library, warning me my items were two days "pre-overdue."

At first light, we sped the DVD back to the book drop. The potential shame of it all! Now if that isn't bad ass, I don't know what is?!? I bet Thelma and even Louise would have waited the entire allotted check out time.

All I Want for Christmas

Nope. Not two front teeth. World peace would be nice, but so would a decent photo for our annual Christmas card. Behold~our three Christmas Angels in full-on Leave it to Beaver perfection! One would think having a temper tantrum ON Santa's Lap might leave a lasting impression. Eh?


And, oh yeah, and I'm adding this memory to all of their baby books. If any of these cherubs even suggests a government-subsided nursing home in 60 years...this holiday memory will be in my purse for photo-documented ammunition! I'm thinking Mother-In-Law suite with my own garage stall. Eggnog anyone?

Got Mail?

Let's play a Where's Waldo game, shall we?


Somewhere in this picture is our mail box. Need a hint? Look closely and you will find it at the top of a five foot mound of snow.

I'd like to dedicate this blog post to someone our family holds closely in our thoughts-the jerk who stole the snow blower from our garage last winter.

Dear Mr. Grinch,

After the blizzard I hope your heart was full of joy as much as your back was free of pain. Maybe you were the neighborhood hero? Digging out the elderly and clearing the sidewalk...just because! Send us your address and we'll make sure you get our family Christmas card.

If the mail man can find your mail box, that is.